These documents are tedious things which are deemed necessary by large, faceless entities such as governments and search engines. This one was last updated on 21st December 2018 and I nearly lost the will to live putting it together. It can be summarised in 4 words: don’t be a douche.
However, if you like this sort of schtick, keep reading…
These terms and conditions shall govern your use of our website.
By using our website, you accept these terms and conditions in full; accordingly, if you disagree with these terms and conditions or any part of these terms and conditions,you must not use our website.
If you submit any material to our website or use any of our website services, we will ask you to expressly agree to these terms and conditions.
This document was created using a template from SEQ Legal
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma Kalson.
Subject to the express provisions of this disclaimer:
we, together with our licensors, own and control all the copyright and other intellectual property rights in our website and the material on our website; and
all the copyright and other intellectual property rights in our website and the material on our website are reserved.
Licence to use website
view pages from our website in a web browser;
download pages from our website for caching in a web browser;
print pages from our website;
stream audio and video files from our website; and
use our website services by means of a web browser,
subject to the other provisions of this disclaimer.
Except as expressly permitted by Section 4.1 or the other provisions of this disclaimer,you must not download any material from our website or save any such material to your computer.
You may only use our website for your own personal purposes, and you must not use our website for any other purposes.
Except as expressly permitted by these terms and conditions, you must not edit or otherwise modify any material on our website.
Unless you own or control the relevant rights in the material, you must not:
republish material from our website (including republication on another website);
sell, rent or sub-license material from our website;
show any material from our website in public;
exploit material from our website for a commercial purpose; or
redistribute material from our website.
Notwithstanding Section 4.5, you may redistribute our newsletter in electronic form.
We reserve the right to restrict access to areas of our website, or indeed our whole website, at our discretion; you must not circumvent or bypass, or attempt to circumvent or bypass, any access restriction measures on our website.
You must not:
use our website in any way or take any action that causes, or may cause,damage to the website or impairment of the performance, availability or accessibility of the website;
use our website in any way that is unlawful, illegal, fraudulent or harmful, or in connection with any unlawful, illegal, fraudulent or harmful purpose or activity;
use our website to copy, store, host, transmit, send, use, publish or distribute any material which consists of (or is linked to) any spyware, computer virus, Trojan horse, worm, keystroke logger, rootkit or other malicious computer software;
conduct any systematic or automated data collection activities (including without limitation scraping, data mining, data extraction and data harvesting) on or in relation to our website without our express written consent;
access or otherwise interact with our website using any robot, spider or other automated means[, except for the purpose of search engine indexing;
violate the directives set out in the robots.txt file for our website; or
use data collected from our website for any direct marketing activity (including without limitation email marketing, SMS marketing, telemarketing and direct mailing).
You must not use data collected from our website to contact individuals, companies or other persons or entities.
You must ensure that all the information you supply to us through our website, or in relation to our website, is true, accurate, current, complete and non-misleading.
Your content: licence
In these terms and conditions, “your content” means all works and materials (including without limitation text, graphics, images, audio material, video material, audio-visual material, scripts, software and files) that you submit to us or our website for storage or publication on, processing by, or transmission via, our website.
You grant to us a worldwide, irrevocable, non-exclusive, royalty-free licence to use, reproduce, store and publish your content on and in relation to this website, including our social media accounts, and any successor website.
You grant to us the right to sub-license the rights licensed under Section 6.2.
You grant to us the right to bring an action for infringement of the rights licensed under Section 6.2.
You hereby waive all your moral rights in your content to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law; and you warrant and represent that all other moral rights in your content have been waived to the maximum extent permitted by applicable law.
You may edit your content to the extent permitted using the editing functionality made available on our website.
Without prejudice to our other rights under these terms and conditions, if you breach any provision of these terms and conditions in any way, or if we reasonably suspect that you have breached these terms and conditions in any way, we may delete, unpublish or edit any or all of your content.
Your content: rules
You warrant and represent that your content will comply with these terms and conditions.
Your content must not be illegal or unlawful, must not infringe any person’s legal rights,and must not be capable of giving rise to legal action against any person (in each case in any jurisdiction and under any applicable law).
Your content, and the use of your content by us in accordance with these terms and conditions, must not:
be libellous or maliciously false;
be obscene or indecent;
infringe any copyright, moral right, database right, trade mark right, design right, right in passing off, or other intellectual property right;
infringe any right of confidence, right of privacy or right under data protection legislation;
constitute negligent advice or contain any negligent statement;
constitute an incitement to commit a crime[, instructions for the commission of a crime or the promotion of criminal activity];
be in contempt of any court, or in breach of any court order;
be in breach of racial or religious hatred or discrimination legislation;
be in breach of official secrets legislation;
be in breach of any contractual obligation owed to any person;
be untrue, false, inaccurate or misleading;
consist of or contain any instructions, advice or other information which may be acted upon and could, if acted upon, cause illness, injury or death, or any other loss or damage;
be offensive, deceptive, fraudulent, threatening, abusive, harassing, anti-social, menacing, hateful, discriminatory or inflammatory; or
cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety to any person.
We do not warrant or represent:
the completeness or accuracy of the information published on our website;
that the material on the website is up to date;
that the website or any service on the website will remain available; or
to be a free of unicorn infestations.
We reserve the right to discontinue or alter any or all of our website services, and to stop publishing our website, at any time in our sole discretion without notice or explanation; and save to the extent expressly provided otherwise in this disclaimer,you will not be entitled to any compensation or other payment upon the discontinuance or alteration of any website services, or if we stop publishing the website.
To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law and subject to Section 9.1, we exclude all representations and warranties relating to the subject matter of this disclaimer, our website and the use of our website.
Limitations and exclusions of liability
Nothing in this disclaimer will:
limit or exclude any liability for death or personal injury resulting from negligence;
limit or exclude any liability for fraud or fraudulent misrepresentation;
limit any liabilities in any way that is not permitted under applicable law; or
exclude any liabilities that may not be excluded under applicable law.
The limitations and exclusions of liability set out in this Section 9 and elsewhere in this disclaimer:
are subject to Section 9.1; and
govern all liabilities arising under this disclaimer or relating to the subject matter of this disclaimer, including liabilities arising in contract, in tort (including negligence) and for breach of statutory duty, except to the extent expressly provided otherwise in this disclaimer.
To the extent that our website and the information and services on our website are provided free of charge, we will not be liable for any loss or damage of any nature.
We will not be liable to you in respect of any losses arising out of any event or events beyond our reasonable control.
We will not be liable to you in respect of any business losses, including (without limitation) loss of or damage to profits, income, revenue, use, production, anticipated savings, business, contracts, commercial opportunities or goodwill.
We will not be liable to you in respect of any loss or corruption of any data, database or software.
We will not be liable to you in respect of any special, indirect or consequential loss or damage.
You accept that we have an interest in limiting the personal liability of our officers and employees and, having regard to that interest, you acknowledge that we are a limited liability entity; you agree that you will not bring any claim personally against our officers or employees in respect of any losses you suffer in connection with the website or this disclaimer (this will not, of course, limit or exclude the liability of the limited liability entity itself for the acts and omissions of our officers and employees).
We may revise this disclaimer from time to time.
The revised disclaimer shall apply to the use of our website from the time of publication of the revised disclaimer on the website.
You hereby agree that we may assign, transfer, sub-contract or otherwise deal with our rights and/or obligations under these terms and conditions.
You may not without our prior written consent assign, transfer, sub-contract or otherwise deal with any of your rights and/or obligations under these terms and conditions.
If a provision of this disclaimer is determined by any court or other competent authority to be unlawful and/or unenforceable, the other provisions will continue in effect.
If any unlawful and/or unenforceable provision of this disclaimer would be lawful or enforceable if part of it were deleted, that part will be deemed to be deleted, and the rest of the provision will continue in effect.
Third party rights
A contract under these terms and conditions is for our benefit and your benefit, and is not intended to benefit or be enforceable by any third party.
The exercise of the parties’ rights under a contract under these terms and conditions is not subject to the consent of any third party.
Subject to Section 9.1, these terms and conditions, together with our privacy and cookies policy, shall constitute the entire agreement between you and us in relation to your use of our website and shall supersede all previous agreements between you and us in relation to your use of our website.
Law and jurisdiction
This disclaimer shall be governed by and construed in accordance with English law.
Any disputes relating to this disclaimer shall be subject to the exclusive jurisdiction of the courts of England.
This website is owned and operated by Emma Kalson.
You can write to us at Emma Kalson c/o 6-8 Freeman Street, Grimsby, DN32 7AA, UK.